What's wrong with me...?

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Sternentoertchen's avatar
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Sternentoertchen
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First: I want to apologize for my bad english... .:sorry bunny:. 
I could write this entry in german, but then it's hard to understand for anyone here.

My mood is currently quite poor, I do not really know why?
I have moved since August 2014. I live together with :iconrainbowdashielifa: now, I think all's fine. She loves me, I love her. She means everything to me. I'm so happy to have her! I Love You Emote
So that's not the reason for my mood, for God's sake!?
Rather, it is because I simply can not find a company that would train me further...
I have already offered a year of training behind me. As a medical assistant in a general medical doctor's office. I love that job very much! (Really! I think that's my passion!)
Most I like to work with patients. (There are many interesting people!)
Time passed, while working very quickly, because I have a lot of fun in that job!  OMG MOAR POEMS!

But there are also bad sides...
In August 2013 a new colleague has been set... the misery began!
In short: New colleague has something against trainees.
What she has screwed up, she has pushed to the trainees. Rainbow Dash (angry) #2 plz  (I love Dashie's angry face! I could not help me, sorry!)
She had a way ... that other moved into her spell (like a witch or something! can't say...) from now on, she was very popular... everyone loves her, except me!
I can not explain why? She was very conceited, cocky ... in short: She thought she was something better. I hate her! I hate people like her!
through her I was treated like shit by the other colleagues.
I do not take it anymore, I quit my job at the doctor's office... :sigh:
It was a shame, but under such conditions... I could work no longer...
also plagued me the long-distance relationship and the stress in my family...

I could not fund an own apartment, so I had to live with my father...
he is an alcoholic... need I say more? :depressed: rvmp
We have not a good father and daughter relationship... I'm not his favorite daughter.

So my move was the best for all.
I moved finally to someone who really loved me and took me how I am.
through her, I starting to understand how much love can a family give you. :squee-love: - PLZ
Even if I have to get used to living in a big city more... I love it here!
so much nature I knew at that time only from television or from books. :bademoticon:
the people here are very friendly... I have to get used even!

So it should be fine to me? But it does not... :saddestthingintheworld

Although I have had many job interviews, even a few sample workdays...
but then it came to cancel!
all charged me... often I am sad, depressed and sometimes want to die...
(that's one of the reasons why it took so long to upload new stuff here on DeviantArt...I'm so sorry my dear followers... don't hate me please... Sad Lily )

I've been in treatment to a psychiatrist, but also broke the treatment because of the move. I'm going to find a new psychiatrist, so don't worry!


Currently I have a mini job as a Papergirl, distribute newspapers...
the working hours are hell... from Monday-Saturday at 03:00-06:00 AM.
It is still "relaxing" and even makes some fun...
but my sleep schedule is destroyed...
I just feel broken! and all for little money! FFUUrious  *argh*


But it's not just the job rejections, I also feel very lonely in the small town,
I am used to the big city, where there was always something to experience...
There was every day and every weekend something to experience. The people sucks (unfriendliest people ever...) , but the whole events and shops were just incredible. Bear Emoji-08 (Rolling Love) [V1]

Another reason why I feel so lonely: I've no friends in real life...
now some will say: so what? I have no friends in real life too!
Nevertheless, I feel very lonely.
I had never really good friends in my real life... good friends with whom you can talk about anything, where you feel comfortable.
no one in the big city, no one yet in the small town... .-. Face

I want to get to know people, people who take me as I am?
I would like to meet with people... but lot of people in my vicinity thinks that I'm strange ??? not a good condition to find friends.... :sad:

I would even be happy if I could meet one or two of you ...
but the distance between Germany and the U.S.A is just too far,
Rather, the flight is too expensive... (that's the absolutely main problem!)

sorry guys, but that had to be said times...
I hope I'm feeling better soon...?

...please understand...

You guys are great!

Have a nice day,
Fluttershy1989



© 2015 - 2024 Sternentoertchen
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RifadeNDelarat's avatar
RifadeNDelarat
Well... I am just one of yours new watchers but I can tell you that there is a way to find some friends and really, you are a human so you need some friends in real life too, don't escape fully to the internet and fantasy ^_- Take it from me, I am... well... starting to getting old, I am 30 now ^_- And when I try to make friends with women then I hear that they want only fathers for their children and not my friendship... but I keep on trying and I have finally found some girls from my town (Szczecin - Poland) who accepted only my friendship :) I found them thru internet, you can always found people from your town there, trust me, they are out there :D just keep on trying and don't give up ^_-